MY SISTER VIA TEXT.
Background Info: My sister adopted a baby boy, XX. When XX was born he had alcohol and cocaine in his system.
I woke up from a nap when:
me: I just flat-lined.
sister: meee tooo. I have brainnumbibg shift…almost..over.
me: Are you going to retire at 50?
sister: Well i did some retirement planning and at my current savings investment..I’ll have $8000/yr to live on if i retire at 66 or 67. So no not 50, maybe 90.
sister: I need a better plan
me: at 55 I’ll have $100,000 in RSPs. So if I only live to 58…
sister: well you’re 92000 ahead of me…so you know I’ll be moving in with you
me: I’m really hoping XX is like Justin Beiber
sister: what the??
me: Like justin was a testament to teenage pregnancy. XX will be poster child for alcohol & cocaine abuse….XX will support us with his MUSIC CAREER.
sister: Fantastic…plus he’ll be really good at any sport that involves a stick and hacking things
me: a world of possibility
sister: ..not music…too much pressure to abuse drugs, plus I hate music.
me: how can you hate music?
sister: we make a good team. Should have been financial planners.
MY CO-WORKER VIA PHONE
My co-worker had a storm overhead. I heard a clap of thunder through the receiver when he said:
“I better go before I get zapped through the phone and my face is burnt and then my girlfriend will dump me.”
“Yeah, you’ll be Elephant Head!” I laughed
“Oh my god Jo, what is wrong with you?! “
Tasteful Nude of Joseph Merrick.
TEXT WITH MY SISTER…next day.
me: woke up at 2am cause I hadta pee…then i couldn’t sleep cause worried about not enough money in RSP. So I just opened a tax free savings account. balance 25clams!
sister: you are the bomb!!!
me: so in 15 years that 25 dollars will be…$500,000?
sister: yep, according to my calculations