Conversations With…

MY SISTER VIA TEXT.

Background Info: My sister adopted a baby boy, XX.  When XX was born he had alcohol and cocaine in his system.

I woke up from a nap when:

me: I just flat-lined.

sister: meee tooo.  I have brainnumbibg shift…almost..over.

me: Are you going to retire at 50?

sister: Well i did some retirement planning and at my current savings investment..I’ll have $8000/yr to live on if i retire at 66 or 67.  So no not 50, maybe 90.

me: hac!

sister: I need a better plan

me: at 55 I’ll have $100,000 in RSPs.  So if I only live to 58…

sister: well you’re 92000 ahead of me…so you know I’ll be moving in with you

me: I’m really hoping XX is like Justin Beiber

me:  Bieber.

sister: what the??

me: Like justin was a testament to teenage pregnancy. XX will be poster child for alcohol & cocaine abuse….XX will support us with his MUSIC CAREER.

sister: Fantastic…plus he’ll be really good at any sport that involves a stick and hacking things

me: a world of possibility

sister: ..not music…too much pressure to abuse drugs, plus I hate music.

me: how can you hate music?

sister: we make a good team.  Should have been financial planners.

MY CO-WORKER VIA PHONE

My co-worker had a storm overhead.  I heard a clap of thunder through the receiver when he said:

“I better go before I get zapped through the phone and my face is burnt and then my girlfriend will dump me.”

“Yeah, you’ll be Elephant Head!” I laughed

“Oh my god Jo, what is wrong with you?! “

umm..I dunno.

Tasteful Nude of Joseph Merrick.

TEXT WITH MY SISTER…next day.

me: woke up at 2am cause I hadta pee…then i couldn’t sleep cause worried about not enough money in RSP.  So I just opened a tax free savings account.  balance 25clams!

sister: you are the bomb!!!

me: so in 15 years that 25 dollars will be…$500,000?

sister: yep, according to my calculations

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